4 Weeks to a new me

Week 3′s Challenge:
Purpose to not read ANYTHING else before you have read God’s word for at least 1 minute in the morning. Do not read the newspaper, facebook, a spiritual devotional or check your email. Go straight to God’s word first. And in case you think 1 minute seems a bit stingy with our time – I want to suggest – that once you get started most likely you will go for much longer than 1 minute. But I want this to be doable. After reading your Bible, I encourage you to leave your Bible in the kitchen open and everytime you walk past it, pause to read it for 15 seconds and then go on. Squeeze all the nourishment you can out of the scriptures you are reading.

This may be the hardest post I write. I want to be honest. I want to share with you my dilemma.

Let me start with a story. Once upon a long time ago there lived a lost adolescent girl.  That girl was me.  Her mother took her to the “true” Baptist church in town. The girl hated it. She liked pants but her mother was “convicted” to be skirts only.  The teenage girl liked worldly music but that was from the devil. The teenage girl like public school but her mother was convinced that she must homeschool and therefore put her into the church school. Remeber: I was lost, angry, and mother and I had major issues to begin with.

So from the ages of 12-17 I was rebellious. I hated my life and made sure everyone knew it. Then the month that right before I was 17, God saved me. God reached down and touch my lost soul. God replaced my cold,angry, black heart with a heart of love, peace and forgiveness.  I was able to love for the first time. I was able to really smile and enjoy life. I wanted to be good and to do good. I wanted to please my Lord and Savior.

When I was 20, I married my best friend. He also attended this church and we knew each other since like forever 🙂 Our parents were best friends (still are) and our families were always together on holidays, and even regular days.  My mom didn’t like him because he was open-minded( he would speak his mind), opinionated, and didn’t listen a.k.a. bow down to her.  He also wasn’t the “perfect” Christian she thought I should marry (another story right there) But we married anyway.

Then came the next 10 years of married life, 3 children  in a row, and reality. I was content to live a Christian life. I wanted to do good and follow the rules.

Let me explain a bit about the church before continuing with my story.. The church is an independent, fundamental, baptist church, otherwise know as a cult. Yes, I said it. It is a cult.  It was founded 20+ years ago with the purest intents but has morphed into something different. You get baptist to become a member. And member you are in the fullest sense. They say they have no rules but there are. There are the articles of faith, and the covenant they have as a church. It is the way everyone looks at you when you do something different from the other. It is skirts only and woe is you if you are feel that wearing pants is okay. If you don’t put your kids in the church school they will have nothing to do with you. They have an inside circle and woe is you if you are not fully part of them. If you speak up and out against anything then yo, yourself must not be right. Cause everyone else believes it why don’t you.

Anyway you get the point. My husband is not a Christian. There I said it. I finally let the world know.  And for 10 years he has tried to hide that fact. Why? My hubby loves me fully. He wanted me to be happy. And I was ignorantly happy in the church. I wanted to wear skirts and be happy. I wanted people to like me and forgave them when they hurt me. I wanted to please God and felt this was the only way how. I have shed many, many tears because of  that church tried to mold my family into something that it was not. Anytime I wanted godly council for the pastor all I got was how bad my hubby was and *I* should be more spiritual and take away all the evil from my home (evil being movies and the internet) Finally it all came to a head when the pastor asked/told me “God or your husband”. I was floored. I truly felt that God gave me my husband, Yes my husband my not be a Christian but he loves me, works hard to provide me material things, and actually wants to spend time with me!! I am truly, truly blessed having such a wonderful Husband!!

So we left that church. We are now blackballed, and ex-communicated from our family. Our family thinks that church discipline works and must have “no fellowship” with us. Yea, that’s another story too.

I wrote you my story because of the challenge this week: to read the word of God. I did the Study of Eph with Good Morning Girls and it was a balm to my soul. Hubby doesn’t want me to go back to church, any church right now. And quite frankly neither do I. I am scared to go back into that world even knowing it will vastly different then the Baptist cult.  I was a KJV only girl and have always enjoyed reading it. Now I am scared. I am scared of what I’ll find. I am scared that I will read it and only be able to see what I have been taught for the last 18yrs and not what God would have me see. I am thinking of switching versions. I have a wonderful friend who I met through the baptist church. She too has left and is now going to a wonderful church where she can be herself. She uses a different version and is trying to convince me it is okay  😀

SO I think my challenge for this week is to get me another Bible. I also have a few daily devotion books, and “The One Year Bible” (KJV) broken into daily scripture. Maybe I just need to start praying again. I know God hasn’t left me.

Thank you for reading about my story, my dilemma, my conflict.   🙂

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5 thoughts on “4 Weeks to a new me

  1. I am so sad you where so badly hurt in church; sadly it does sometime happens. I will be praying for you and yours; that God will bless and keep you and lead you into all truth.
    {{{{{{hugs & blessings}}}}}}

  2. Thank you for sharing your story. I encourage you to keep reading your Bible and to seek another church for fellowship. I like to read the kjv and also read the new kings james. looking at other versions together can help you understand the scripture better. Seek Gods will and you will find a church where you can worship and show Christs love to your husband. May God bless you Cornelia

  3. Thank you ladies for the kind words 🙂 I am struggling to keep my head up but I know I have wonderful friends and beautiful ladies backing me up. I am so glad Jesus loves me and hasn’t left me!

  4. I was in the exact kind of church!!!! We ( my husband and I left just under a year ago). Please, please don’t give up on God – he is there and he knows what you are going through! Just reading your bible everyday is awesome! He will let you know what is next! The Lord has now placed us in an amazing church and we are slowing realizing that all Baptist churches aren’t cults or clans and that saved people can really, really love each other without pushing their convictions and forcing standards on each other. I will be praying for you and hoping the Lord will show you what is next.

    • Diane, that is so nice for you and your family! Thank you for praying for me. I am taking a “break” from church but have slowly begun to read my Bible again and to take time for the the Lord!

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