I am a stay-at-home mom. Most days I love it 🙂 I am also a homeschooling mom. Most days I wonder why. hehe Just kidding. My husband works 45 min for where we live. We have but one vehicle which he uses to get to work. We live where it snows. We live where it is cold. We live in Canada. When it is sunny, it is usually very cold. When it is warmish out, that means it is grey and cloudy. I am not an outdoor person plus walking with 3 kids and a dog is just not an option in my book. I love to hibernate.
I first noticed my S.A.D. state last Jan. I felt energetic-less. I felt like not doing much and that I had no humph to do anything. It stayed that way from Jan- March/April. Then the sun came out, the snow melted, and I felt better. I didn’t think nothing of it. This year the same thing happened. Come Jan I felt like I needed a “break” from life. What was the point of doing things or losing weight or anything. No, I was not suicidal or anything that extreme, I just didn’t want to do anything but curl up with a good book and shut the world out. The end of Jan I was determined to snap out of it. I joined a transformation competition online , started working out and caring about my weight again. I was fine for a whole month. Then it came back with a vengeance. :~ It started snowing around the first of March.
I have also had a few life alternating changes happen to me in the last year. Things that I have had to decided who am I, and what do I believe? Friends that I have know for years turn their back on me cause I went a different way then them. Family has excommunicated me cause I left their church (even though they are baptist). I try to look to the future and think about my Hubby and my kids. They are my family, they are my life.
I feel that I am barely holding my head above water. I feel okay some days, then angry the next. One moment I am going to do good the next I feel like crying. I am trying to lose weight and workout but all I feel like is sitting in a ball and eating junk all day.
I should go to the Dr. Then I think why? Everyone else( I know a few people who have gone through what I am going through) seems to be fine why me. Hubby is doing his own thing and is happy. SO why am I not? I don’t want to take drugs and am afraid they’ll think I’ll have too. I have tried getting counsel before and that went sour, I am afraid. I have always heard that psychiatrists push drugs and are bad. I know this isn’t be true but I still can’t make myself seek help. If I seek help I’ll have to explain it to Hubby and he doesn’t understand.
Anyway, Thanks for listening. I feel better just getting that out. I will swallow my pride and fear and call the Dr. tomorrow!! I will keep you all update 🙂 🙂